Format: 12 Scenes | 12 Lines Each | Genre: Absurd Urban Satire | Setting: GTA, Heavy Toronto Slang
By Gerard King – www.gerardking.devÂ
“This beef’s so big, it made Drake and Kendrick look like brunch girlfriends.”
In a city held together by bubble tea loyalty, Somali barbers, and $22 shawarmas,
ONE feud erupts so deep it crosses every cultural fault line.
Brown man vs Brown man. Uber vs TTC. Side ting vs Wifey.
Scarborough vs Mississauga. Raptors Twitter vs actual stats.
It starts with a snowstorm, a pizza shop, and a leased supercar.
Ends with Brampton's entire insurance market crashing live on CP24.
Every scene touches a different subgroup, different slang pocket, different chaos.
Yute said, “Fam I swear on my mother’s debit card, he’s MOVIN’ like a fed.”
Camera angle shaky.
They in Scarborough, outside Kennedy station, minus 22.
Puffer jacket zipped to God.
"That’s not even real beef," one guy says.
“He missed brunch wit’ the mandem for a boy!”
“Say word?”
“Word, g. Man was posted at Oretta in Yorkville.”
Everyone goes silent.
Because that’s basically treason.
“You mean… he SKIPPED Somali breakfast?”
“Bro he was sippin’ an iced oat lavender sumn with his ting.”
Pradeep’s first time driving in snow.
Right side? Nah. Left side, UK style.
He pulled up in a Toyota Camry like it’s a tank.
Slid through a red light.
Almost smoked a Shoppers Drug Mart.
"Bro don’t touch my whip, I’m still on G2."
Insurance app exploded.
iPad said: “$912/month.”
He said: “This is racial profiling.”
Meanwhile, Rajdeep flew past in a matte black Lambo.
“Paid for by Pizza Palace,” license plate said.
Still made 3 U-turns near Trinity Commons just to flex.
Mississauga youth dropped a freestyle at Square One parking lot.
Hook: “Scarborough man soft like roti / my ting got more grip than TTC.”
Went viral.
Scarborough man clapped back with a bar over Punjabi drums:
“Your girl got dropped faster than Ford lockdown rules.”
Meanwhile, Brampton high school teacher got put on leave.
Why?
He quoted the diss in class.
York Region kids started a subreddit called “Brampton Needs to Be Stopped.”
And Markham girls just tweeted “LOL” and kept ghosting everyone.
Nothing changed.
Meetup set at CN Tower.
Tings wore Balenciaga knockoffs from Orfus Rd.
Mandem showed up in full tech fleece with heart rates of 170.
Beef got squashed?
No.
Guy from Etobicoke came late, yelled:
“Ayo f*ck brunch, real men eat roti at midnight!”
One guy threw bubble tea.
Someone screamed “Worldstar!”
The tea froze mid-air.
Fight started anyway.
Tourists thought it was a marketing stunt for Drake’s next album.
Downtown core. King West.
The gays were not involved in the beef.
They just wanted brunch, peace, and a good spritz.
But the streets leaked into Oretta like emotional water damage.
“Why is there a Camry in the valet with snow tires AND bullet holes?”
Server whispered: “It’s Pradeep’s.”
Drag queen DJ dropped a remix:
“Mandem in brunch boots is wild energy.”
Toronto Life did an article: “Are Queer Spaces Safe From Brampton?”
Comment section turned into a diaspora war.
Again.
She tweeted:
“If your man still takes the 52 bus, don’t claim him.”
He replied:
“Your Birkins from Dixie Outlet, relax.”
TTC shut down.
Yorkdale girls started roasting Finch girls.
Subway fights went viral.
One uncle screamed, “THIS IS WHY RENT IS 3 GRAND!”
Nobody knew what that meant, but it slapped.
TikTokers filmed it in slo-mo.
Everyone’s followers went up.
Nobody made rent.
Someone brought up politics.
“Carney’s soft. Trump would’ve dropped a mixtape by now.”
Mandem started comparing federal reserve policies to opp blocks.
Brown uncle at the table whispered: “Bring back Harper.”
Silence.
He got kicked out the WhatsApp group.
Meanwhile, Pradeep was still making wide turns in the Lambo.
Whole neighborhood’s insurance went up.
Guy in Oshawa fainted when he saw his renewal notice.
CP24 blamed climate change.
City blamed Peel Region.
Everyone blamed Trudeau.
Gay guy tweeted:
“Honestly, I’d let a Brampton man ruin my life for one drive in a matte wrap Lambo.”
500 retweets.
Someone said, “You’re valid, but your standards aren’t.”
Streetcar got stuck.
Pradeep double parked on King Street.
Ordered dosa on Uber Eats to a moving car.
Spilled sambar on his Moncler.
Everyone clapped.
Because it was still cleaner than Ottawa.
Emergency meeting in a Scarborough basement.
Tamils. Somalis. Filipinas. Desis.
Every aunty in Ontario.
"Why do the boys wear these pants so tight?"
"They drive like they just drank battery acid."
“Also... who is this Pradeep?”
One aunty googled:
“Rich brown man near me Lambo pizza store single?”
They drafted a community action plan.
It included samosas and threats.
Another snowstorm.
Pradeep slides again.
Hits a 7-Eleven this time.
Shakes it off.
Wipes the snow from his Rolex.
“Insurance is just numbers, broski.”
Brampton police set up cones.
He runs them over.
“Cones are colonialism.”
He says that with a straight face.
Everyone nods like it made sense.
Whole GTA gathers in Vaughan.
Neutral ground.
Markham, Rexdale, Malton, East York.
Biggest gathering since Raptors parade.
Pradeep steps out the Lambo.
Leafs jersey. Designer jutti.
Other guy pulls up in a rusted Civic.
Leans out the window:
“I came here with my REAL ones.”
City goes silent.
Then snowball hits someone and war begins again.
Aunty comes out holding garlic naan in one hand, shawarma in the other.
“No more fighting. Just eat.”
Pradeep nods.
He opens Pizza Palace.
Offers free slice if you take a pic with his car.
Everyone forgives him.
Gay guys love him.
Brunch is restored.
Insurance still ruins lives.
But for one day, the GTA knew peace.
Until the Leafs lose again.
Toronto Slang | Desi Chaos | Brampton Menace | Urban Beef Satire | Diaspora Drag | Car Crash Comedy | Short King Cinematic Universe Extended
Every scene hits a Toronto demo: downtown gays, brown uncles, Scarborough boys, brunch girls, Brampton drivers, TTC survivors.
Language is real, layered, and regional to the GTA's chaotic charm.
Made for stage, short film, or even a graphic series that’d break the internet.
"You can take the man out of Brampton, but his insurance will still follow you."
