Format: 12-Scene Narrative | Genre: Insane Edge Comedy | Theme: Satanic Dating Meets Dentistry
By Gerard King – www.gerardking.devÂ
"Love hurts. Especially when it's delivered by a dental hygienist with a shrine to Baphomet and a goat head in your bed."
Madison, a charming Canadian dental assistant, has a secret. Not just “kills houseplants” secret. We’re talking "burns sage over goat remains and whispers Latin to her fridge" kind of secret.
When she starts dating a sweet, unsuspecting dude named Dylan, she forgets to mention the minor detail that she's a practicing Satanist — and things only get weirder from there.
The twist? Love might actually work… if Dylan survives the rituals.
Each scene is 12 lines long. Each line hits like a punch. Together, they form a full-on chaotic love story that swan-dives into Hell’s waiting room.
“Open wide,” she cooed, scraping molars like a tarot deck.
Maddie’s hands were gentle; her dental tools were not.
A new patient, Dylan, made the mistake of being cute.
“Wanna get a drink?” he asked, post-rinse.
“You had me at gingivitis.”
Her necklace: pentagram. Her smile: suspicious.
Nobody saw her humming Latin under her breath.
Later that night, she lit incense and burned her boss’s photo.
This was love. Or at least, dark foreshadowing.
Red lights. No windows. Definitely cursed bar.
“What’s your sign?” “Libra.” “Mine’s... 666.”
He laughed. She didn’t.
She traced a salt circle in spilled beer.
“Ever tried ancestral retribution fire?”
He sipped his drink too fast.
“Your aura’s unbaptized,” she noted.
“That’s a dealbreaker?” “No. It’s foreplay.”
Her apartment smelled like cinnamon and mild terror.
Crucifixes were melting — for decor.
“Want tea?” she asked, putting something hoofed in the kettle.
“You’re... fun.”
She handed him cookies. They screamed briefly.
“You’re baptized, right?” she asked.
“Does camp count?”
“Not to Him.”
Velvet sheets. Stains that told stories.
He asked about the noises.
“Demons. Or plumbing.”
She pulled out cuffs. “Reverse exorcism?”
“You mean tantric?”
“Much… darker.”
The walls started whispering.
He tried not to scream when they said his childhood nickname.
Pentagram on his chest.
“Protection,” she said.
“From what?” “Mostly yourself.”
He checked the mirror — saw a goat wink.
“Hey,” said the goat.
“I need to go.”
“Before or after the blood moon?”
“Before.” Definitely before.
Goat. In his bed. Smiling.
Sticky note: “You’re mine ❤️”
He screamed into a pillow.
Dog barked. The goat winked.
He called Maddie. She answered in Latin.
“You okay, babe?”
“There’s a head.”
“Good. He likes you.”
“What the fu—”
“Language. He’s royalty.”
He stormed into her clinic, goat duffel in hand.
“You left this in my soul, Maddie.”
“Keep your voice down. The fluoride has ears.”
“I’m not your vessel!”
“Too late. You flossed on a first date. That’s rare.”
“You’re insane.”
“Correction: eternal.”
She kissed him. He felt his pupils dilate.
Father Doug. Vape priest.
“You dated a Level 4 Lilith Host.”
“How bad is that?”
“She’s one goat away from High Council.”
He chanted. The candles cried.
She arrived mid-prayer, laughing.
Doug burst into flaming bats.
“Well,” Dylan sighed, “worth a shot.”
Cereal whispered. Netflix only streamed Hell.
Shadows danced alone.
His reflection started judging him.
“Maddie, please.”
“You’re evolving.”
“I wanted tacos, not tentacles.”
“You should’ve swiped left.”
Now he had hooves. Great.
Support group: Exes of Witches.
“Mine hexed my spleen,” said Todd.
“Change your blood type,” said Phil.
Dylan moved to Alberta.
New name. No mirrors.
She found him anyway.
Made tea.
“Still resisting?”
He sighed. “Can’t quit you or the demon twins.”
Circle of fire. Nachos fell in.
He chanted. She levitated.
“Dentalum Sacrificium Eternis!”
His braces realigned.
“I’m still not wearing the hooves.”
“You’ll grow them.”
They kissed. Hell opened.
A romantic portal to darkness.
Receptionist: Goat Head.
Clinic motto: Root Canals & Rituals.
Dylan grins with all 88 teeth.
Patient: “Is this covered by insurance?”
Dylan: “Only the damned.”
Maddie: “Time for flossing, babe.”
He growls. “Hail Satan.”
She smiles. “And hail dental coverage.”
Comedy Writing | Black Humor | Horror Romance | Satire | Screenplay Style | Web Fiction
Written in a structured 12 x 12 format for maximum rhythm and bite.
Inspired by sitcom absurdity, satanic panic, and relationship chaos.
Ideal for web series adaptation or a short-form animated project.
“Because some love stories start with a goat... and end with a plaque.”
