Format: 12 Scenes | Satirical Urban Relationship Comedy
By Gerard King – www.gerardking.devÂ
“It’s all bubble tea and filters… until you end up in a mukbang with a girl from Markham who’s filming you eat sketchy fried rice and asking your birth chart.”
You thought “Asian ting” was a monolith?
Nah.
Where she lives says everything.
From her sushi standards to whether she thinks love is real or a PR stunt.
One’s got Hello Kitty trauma.
One thinks soy sauce is a personality.
One’s filming your heartbreak.
The last one’s lowkey building a revenge K-drama with your text receipts.
You: some light-skinned Toronto man with a fade and a dream.
Them:
Scarborough Ting – Tougher than your dad.
Markham Ting – Main character energy.
Downtown Ting – Corporate baddie, low iron levels.
Oshawa Ting – Car meet, hoodies, and generational McDonald’s.
Every one of these relationships is a different anime arc with different side quests.
Met her at a vape shop that used to be a Popeyes.
Drives a Civic that growls louder than her uncle.
Date night = sketchy fried rice and Jollibee.
Said, “I’m not like other girls” —
Then played Apex for 6 hours while ghosting you in real life.
Swears she “used to dance” but it's just TikTok voguing.
Small feet, big Crocs.
Thinks Markham girls are “stuck up.”
Says she’s “chill” but once punched a bouncer for looking at her vape.
Her phone’s always cracked.
She wants to go to Japan — but only for the claw machines.
Breakup reason: she “accidentally” hooked up with your cousin at a car meet.
You met her at Kennedy station yelling at a man in tech fleece.
Her bubble tea order: no sugar, no ice, all judgement.
Said, “I don’t trust sushi unless it’s from a gas station.”
Has 6 fake lashes and zero patience.
Loves mukbangs, but eats like she’s in jail.
Told you “Don’t touch my hair. Or my trauma.”
Brought you to her auntie's house and let you get roasted for being too quiet.
Wears Jordans a full size too small for aggression.
Once fought a girl at Pacific Mall for looking “disrespectful.”
Thinks love is for weak people.
But still calls you at 3AM to argue about Drake lyrics.
Breakup reason: she beat you at 2K and said you weren’t “man enough to handle her intensity.”
She owns 14 pairs of New Balances and a ring light.
First date was a mukbang collab she didn’t tell you was monetized.
Said “I don’t do broke men” while asking for rides to Pacific Mall.
Had an iPhone tripod at all times.
Her dad made you sit silently for 45 minutes before speaking.
Her bubble tea came with a personalized sticker that said “Boss Ting.”
She once fake-cried during sushi so you’d pay for her cousin’s order too.
Told you her birth chart in the first 15 minutes.
Posted “soft girl era 💅🏽” and then threw a bowl at your head.
Her ex was a minor YouTuber.
She compares you to Korean idols.
Breakup reason: you didn’t like her new thumbnail and she called it “gaslighting.”
Met her on Hinge. She said “no 6ixboys pls” — dated you anyway.
Works in marketing but hates capitalism.
Said she’s “into spirituality” but never tips baristas.
You took her to sushi once — she asked the server if it was "sustainably sad."
Only wears black, only drinks oat milk, only loves chaos.
Said you were “emotionally unavailable” because you didn’t cry during a Netflix docuseries.
Keeps a film camera for aesthetics and recording emotional damage.
Her bubble tea cost $17 and came in a reusable trauma jar.
Once said, “I love you like I love unpaid internships.”
Said “I don’t believe in gender roles, unless I’m tired.”
Her apartment had 2 plants and 1 ex still texting.
Breakup reason: You accidentally said you liked Scarborough and she reported you to the group chat.
You, in therapy, telling your story.
Therapist asks: “Do you even know what you’re looking for?”
You say:
“Just someone who likes sushi and doesn’t film me while I cry.”
She says: “That sounds reasonable.”
You laugh.
Then you get a DM.
Markham Ting: “U up?”
Scarborough Ting: “You’re soft.”
Downtown Ting: posts new poem about “men who ghost and then eat raw fish.”
Oshawa Ting drives past your house… in reverse.
Moral of the story?
You could have a $30 million NBA contract... and they'd still say you can’t commit.
Toronto Dating | Asian Diaspora | Boba Culture | Scarborough Chaos | Mukbang Dating | GTA Tier List | Bubble Tea Body Count
Fully modular — can be adapted as a stand-up comedy bit, short film, or animated series.
Could be stylized as a YouTube skit series, TikTok POV mashup, or visual webcomic.
Contains extreme truth per square inch, just like any LRT seat after 9PM.
“Love in the GTA is just trauma bonding over bubble tea with a girl who thinks mukbangs are foreplay.”
