🍟 “McN-Word Energy”

By Gerard King – www.gerardking.dev
Format: Spoken Word / Satirical Essay / Dark Gym Bro Comedy**

“This isn’t just suburban whiteness.
It’s McFlurry-flavoured mimicry with creatine on sale and zero consequences.”

📍Opening Scene: “My SUV Smells Like a Rink and Regret”

I drive a gas-guzzling SUV
that smells like hockey pads, Axe body spray, and reheated timbits.
There’s a McDouble in the glovebox.
I got McNuggets under the seat like emotional support trauma.
Grade Latte from Timmies in the cupholder. Supersized Double-Double.
No plans. No taxes. No thoughts.

I hit the gym
to lift plates and play loud drill music made by people I’ve never respected but constantly imitate.
And when that beat drops,
I yell the n-word
like it came with my Happy Meal.

🧃Scene 2: “My Playlist is a Crime Scene”

My Spotify Wrapped is
Pop Smoke
NBA YoungBoy
Central Cee
Lil Baby
…and somehow, Anne-Marie.

I wear a tank top that says “Hustle Hard”
but I’ve never worked a shift longer than 3 hours.
I blast Chief Keef
on the bench press
like my dad didn’t refinance a bungalow to keep me away from all the places Chief Keef rapped about.

I lift to “Back in Blood,”
but the only blood I’ve seen
is from a paper cut I got opening protein powder.

🧊Scene 3: “Cultural Osmosis with Extra Ice”

My Tim Hortons order has more sugar than my GPA.
I call my friends “my dawgs”
even though I’m allergic to everything that isn’t gluten-free.
I say “nah fam”
but my fam’s from Wasaga Beach.

I learned “opps” from TikTok,
not the street.
I think a “block” is just where my cottage is.
But I’ll still throw gang signs in the mirror
like I’m about to shoot a selfie, not a rival.

🍟Scene 4: “McPrivilege, Supersized”

I said the n-word once
and someone said, “Yo bro chill.”
So I laughed and said, “It’s just music.”
Like lyrics make it a permission slip.
Like rap songs were written for me.
Like trauma was on sale with fries and a Sprite.
And that’s when it hit me.

I don’t wanna be Black.
I just want all the parts of Blackness
that get you followers, muscles, and a bad bitch.
Not the parts that come with consequences, history, or funerals.

💀Scene 5: “Gym Mirror Confessionals”

I look at myself in the mirror.
Not for form.
For ego.

I’m 17.
I bench 225.
I’ve never read a book that wasn’t required.
I say “real” but have no idea what reality is.

I’m just a boy
with McNuggets in my backpack and the n-word in my throat
hoping someone claps
before they check me.

🎯Final Line: “I’m Lovin’ It”

This is Suburbia Syndrome™:
Where we cosplay pain
while eating comfort food
and call it culture.

My SUV still smells like hockey socks and Timbits.
I still lift to Meek Mill.
And I still don’t get why
people flinch
when I say it.

But you already know what it is.

I’m Lovin’ It.

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